Alone
by PosionQuill
Summary: She was always alone. Always waiting. A view on Lunas relationship with the golden trio. A short, depressing fic about Lunas complicated relationship with her friends.


Hey, I've got this idea of Luna Lovegood in my head that's nothing like her real character, or is just more in-depth version of her, I'm not sure.

I feel like Luna is under appreciated and is just classed as the weird one i guess.

The jellyfish~

* * *

They say the first sign of being an alcoholic is drinking alone.

I think it's the sign of loneliness.

Theres nothing else to do you see, when your sitting here waiting.

Everyday, sometimes for weeks on end I stay here waiting for them to come see me.

Some would give up, leave, find something new to do, anything but sitting in a dark room all the time.

But if I leave, if I go out even for five minutes I might miss them.

What if I went out and I was needed?

What if they wanted to see me and I wasn't there?!

They wouldn't come see me again. I'd be left on my own.

I can't survive on my own, not any more. I rely on them far to much now.

Some would, of course just leave. Some would say they're bad friends but they aren't.

Clearly they're just busy.

Their lives don't just revolve around me.

I do question if they're actually my friends sometimes, I question why I hang around, I wonder if they care about me and why they don't come see me all the time.

Then I feel selfish.

Like I said, not everything revolves around me. I can't expect them not to have lives and to want to sit with me everyday.

I'm such an idiot, I don't deserve friends like them.

Sometimes I wonder if I did something wrong but they come round the next day and it's all better.

My life revolves around them, but I can't expect the same from them so I wait.

Occasionally I wonder if I deserve this treatment and I wonder if it's better to just not let them in when they come knocking.

It's a stupid idea, I'll be alone if I do something like that so I wait.

Surely they value me!

They come to me for advise and they take what I say into consideration.

Sometimes they even bring me gifts.

So I wait, obviously they care about me.

I'm a good friend right?

Always there when they need me right?

Always happy to help?!

...

When I'm alone I drink.

I shouldn't, but still.

The alcohol makes me feel better.

On some days I make sure I look pretty and it doesn't feel wasted when I drink.

The amount changes, but I make sure that I stay happy.

I wouldn't want to waste their time by crying and if I was angry they'd leave.

If I stay happy they'll visit more.

Clearly I'm irrational, and self-conscious, why else would I question the friendship they offer?

I'm just a foolish little girl.

So I drink again.

I enjoy other things too, like reading and making things. But if I'm busy doing something when they come round, they might leave so I do nothing.

I don't know how long I've spent here. Sitting in this room. Waiting.

But I'm sure they appreciate my loyalty.

He used to say that I was his moon. The moon to his ocean. Keeping him going, and in line.

He doesn't say things like this anymore. But I'm sure he loves me.

It must just be my irrational mind and the alcohol but I question his love.

I wonder sometimes if he's lying to me, cheating on me.

But he wouldn't do that.

He's so kind, to be spending his time with me.

My minds always been jumbled. Ever since mother died. So I assume I'm broken sometimes. I don't let it show though. They don't want broken people.

I can't ask them to try to fix me.

I'm not worth the time.

Theres nothing else to do with my time. So I wait. I wait and I drink.

Sometimes I drink until I can't stand it anymore. Occasionally I just sit there.

On other occasions I dance.

I sing and dance to music that doesn't exist.

I feel joy then. Joy I rarely feel when I'm alone.

Other times I just feel like crying.

But I can't cry. It's a sign of weakness, I can't be weak. Plus if they come round when I'm crying they'll either ask whats wrong or leave. If they ask whats wrong I'll have to explain my stupid feelings.

That wont do.

So drink and I wait.

I let them consume me.

Now, I have to live with the consequences.

I'm Loony lovegood to everyone else.

But to them, I'm an actual person and they need me.


End file.
